Dear Satan (as I will refer to you from this point on),
I loathe you. I could spend hours going through examples to support my feeling but for the sake of my blood pressure, I will give you one.
First, answer one question. Have you ever put mayo on your salad? Ever? Now I admit that I have never put, say, blue cheese (or "bleu" cheese for those of you who think you can misspell it and look smart) on my salad and yet I recognize that there is such a thing as blue cheese dressing. So I guess we need a follow up question. If you have never put mayo on your salad (and... you haven't), do you know anyone that has? Ever? Well Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, you have been around a long time. So to give you the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to concede that at some point in history, there was someone who has. Sure she was 90 years old with coke bottle glasses who thought she was reaching for the Ranch dressing while mumbling nonsense to her friend that didn't exist, but I'll give it to you.
My point is this. Today I had a sandwich from Jimmy John's. I took the readily available condiments that were supplied by the good folks who know what we (in this time and place in history) put on certain foods. What were they? Mayo and mustard. Sure, there are other condiments that exist. Ketchup is a pretty big one. But very few people would put ketchup on a sub sandwich, so they don't even bother giving you ketchup packets. And I did not for one second search through the packets looking for one that had red lettering. But do you know where I'd have to go in your evil store to buy the same toppings for my sandwich? I'd have to pick up mustard in the condiment section (logical) and then head over to the SALAD DRESSING aisle to find the mayo. This is total crap and you know it.
Here's the thing. I don't know the origins of mayo. I don't know if when it was invented everyone got together and had salad parties where the mayo was flowing. Maybe that happened. But the fact is, it doesn't happen anymore. Next time you go to ANY restaurant, ask what kind of salad dressings they have to choose from. If mayo is included in the list along with Ranch, French, Italian, Blue Cheese, etc. save me the trouble and punch yourself in the face because you're lying. In fact, go ahead and ask for mayo on your salad and see what kind of reation you get. Do people use mayo to make coleslaw? Of course. They also use carrots. I have never seen a row of carrots sitting next to the French dressing in your stupid little store. Tomato's are used to make ketchup- no one would look at a tomato and a bottle of mustard and think, "Condiments!"
Your stores should be set up and organized in a way that compliments how we actually use food together. I cannot think of one instance in which being able to pick up mayo and Ranch dressing in the same area would overshadow the obvious logic and convenience of having it with the rest of the condiments. So if there is a historical method to your madness, it is just that. Historical. Since that time we have adapted. If the North has defeated the South and women can vote, surely we can move ahead and organize our food more efficiently.
And by the way. Water chestnuts are vegetables. Just because they are harvested in Asian countries does not mean they need to be put in your little "Asian" section of your store. The vegetable area will work just fine, thank you. Unless we start going to a geographical organization method where oranges are put in the "Florida" aisle and Potatos in the "Idaho" aisle, you can get over your stereotype that only Asians eat water chestnuts and put it in the appropriate section.
So Beelzebub, it brings me great joy to remind you that you have already been defeated and someday all things will be made right again and mayo will be put in it's rightful place. The condiment aisle.
Blessings,
Common Sense
I loathe you. I could spend hours going through examples to support my feeling but for the sake of my blood pressure, I will give you one.
First, answer one question. Have you ever put mayo on your salad? Ever? Now I admit that I have never put, say, blue cheese (or "bleu" cheese for those of you who think you can misspell it and look smart) on my salad and yet I recognize that there is such a thing as blue cheese dressing. So I guess we need a follow up question. If you have never put mayo on your salad (and... you haven't), do you know anyone that has? Ever? Well Lucifer, Prince of Darkness, you have been around a long time. So to give you the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to concede that at some point in history, there was someone who has. Sure she was 90 years old with coke bottle glasses who thought she was reaching for the Ranch dressing while mumbling nonsense to her friend that didn't exist, but I'll give it to you.
My point is this. Today I had a sandwich from Jimmy John's. I took the readily available condiments that were supplied by the good folks who know what we (in this time and place in history) put on certain foods. What were they? Mayo and mustard. Sure, there are other condiments that exist. Ketchup is a pretty big one. But very few people would put ketchup on a sub sandwich, so they don't even bother giving you ketchup packets. And I did not for one second search through the packets looking for one that had red lettering. But do you know where I'd have to go in your evil store to buy the same toppings for my sandwich? I'd have to pick up mustard in the condiment section (logical) and then head over to the SALAD DRESSING aisle to find the mayo. This is total crap and you know it.
Here's the thing. I don't know the origins of mayo. I don't know if when it was invented everyone got together and had salad parties where the mayo was flowing. Maybe that happened. But the fact is, it doesn't happen anymore. Next time you go to ANY restaurant, ask what kind of salad dressings they have to choose from. If mayo is included in the list along with Ranch, French, Italian, Blue Cheese, etc. save me the trouble and punch yourself in the face because you're lying. In fact, go ahead and ask for mayo on your salad and see what kind of reation you get. Do people use mayo to make coleslaw? Of course. They also use carrots. I have never seen a row of carrots sitting next to the French dressing in your stupid little store. Tomato's are used to make ketchup- no one would look at a tomato and a bottle of mustard and think, "Condiments!"
Your stores should be set up and organized in a way that compliments how we actually use food together. I cannot think of one instance in which being able to pick up mayo and Ranch dressing in the same area would overshadow the obvious logic and convenience of having it with the rest of the condiments. So if there is a historical method to your madness, it is just that. Historical. Since that time we have adapted. If the North has defeated the South and women can vote, surely we can move ahead and organize our food more efficiently.
And by the way. Water chestnuts are vegetables. Just because they are harvested in Asian countries does not mean they need to be put in your little "Asian" section of your store. The vegetable area will work just fine, thank you. Unless we start going to a geographical organization method where oranges are put in the "Florida" aisle and Potatos in the "Idaho" aisle, you can get over your stereotype that only Asians eat water chestnuts and put it in the appropriate section.
So Beelzebub, it brings me great joy to remind you that you have already been defeated and someday all things will be made right again and mayo will be put in it's rightful place. The condiment aisle.
Blessings,
Common Sense
1 comment:
pure amazingness. :)
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