Have you ever tried to book a wedding at a church?
My fiancé and I are in the process of finding a place to do our wedding ceremony in October and we are having a difficult time doing so. I have worked on staff of a handful of churches and I understand that churches are in no means immune to politics. But I believe that churches have really missed the mark here. Some, like Lutheran and Catholic churches, will not even consider letting you hold a wedding in their building unless you are a member of that church (although many Catholic churches will hold fundraisers with beer tents in which they would gladly accept non-members cash- you figure it out). Other churches require you to jump through other hoops. For some, you need to attend a certain number of services before the wedding. Others require you to meet with the pastor so many times for pre-marital counseling, or require that you use their pastor or pianist, etc. in your ceremony. We were discussing the idea of requiring married couples-to-be to attend so many services before being married one day and my future mother-in-law said it was probably just a business decision. How sad that the church (universal) has given that impression.
Let’s pretend for a moment that these policies are set up with the “business” of church in mind. I assume and hope that the “business” the churches are into is making followers of Jesus. So let’s give every church the benefit of the doubt (gulp) and assume this is their primary goal. How would excluding non-members of your church from having their wedding ceremony in your church building be good for the business of making followers of Jesus? If anything, I would assume that if you opened your doors to a non-member couple and created an amazing memory for them on one of the most important days of their lives that they would always remember that church and that experience if they are looking for a church home in the future. Not to mention all the guests that attend the wedding as well. I remember always trying to think of ways to get new people into our building- whether it was for a special event, concert—anything just to get them in the door and make them feel welcome and want to come back. It’s odd being on the other end and seeking churches out and contacting them only to be turned away. What a shame.
My fiancé and I are in the process of finding a place to do our wedding ceremony in October and we are having a difficult time doing so. I have worked on staff of a handful of churches and I understand that churches are in no means immune to politics. But I believe that churches have really missed the mark here. Some, like Lutheran and Catholic churches, will not even consider letting you hold a wedding in their building unless you are a member of that church (although many Catholic churches will hold fundraisers with beer tents in which they would gladly accept non-members cash- you figure it out). Other churches require you to jump through other hoops. For some, you need to attend a certain number of services before the wedding. Others require you to meet with the pastor so many times for pre-marital counseling, or require that you use their pastor or pianist, etc. in your ceremony. We were discussing the idea of requiring married couples-to-be to attend so many services before being married one day and my future mother-in-law said it was probably just a business decision. How sad that the church (universal) has given that impression.
Let’s pretend for a moment that these policies are set up with the “business” of church in mind. I assume and hope that the “business” the churches are into is making followers of Jesus. So let’s give every church the benefit of the doubt (gulp) and assume this is their primary goal. How would excluding non-members of your church from having their wedding ceremony in your church building be good for the business of making followers of Jesus? If anything, I would assume that if you opened your doors to a non-member couple and created an amazing memory for them on one of the most important days of their lives that they would always remember that church and that experience if they are looking for a church home in the future. Not to mention all the guests that attend the wedding as well. I remember always trying to think of ways to get new people into our building- whether it was for a special event, concert—anything just to get them in the door and make them feel welcome and want to come back. It’s odd being on the other end and seeking churches out and contacting them only to be turned away. What a shame.
The one reservation I could see churches having is the possible conflict on their view of what marriage is. Churches believe (as I do as well) that marriage isn’t a civil agreement but a covenant made between two people before God- an institution that God established. Perhaps (and I’m just making assumptions here) some churches don’t want to be a part of a wedding of two people if they aren’t sure that the couple is on the same page as they are in their belief of what marriage is. However, if that were the case why would a Catholic or Lutheran church first ask what our doctrinal beliefs were instead of closing it to just members? What is a member of a church, anyway? What special group does that put you in? I know for a fact that being a member of a church does not mean you have all the same beliefs as the church does. Most churches just require you to believe the certain tenants that the church as a whole believes. In my case, I went to bible college and am an ordained minister. I have worked as a minister in a couple of churches but yet can’t get married in most churches in town. Huh? I can’t express how frustrated I am with this. What an opportunity that is being missed. How sad it is that there are couples seeking out churches (perhaps for the first time in their lives) and being turned away because they’re not part of “the club.” I’m sure that’s not what the churches are trying to communicate, but I don’t see how else to take it. And for the small group of churches that do allow non-members to hold a ceremony in the building, why is there a different rate for members vs. non-members? This isn’t your local grocery store where you show your card and get a discount.
I understand what it’s like to be at a large church and constantly have to “fight” to reserve space in the building for events you want to put on. If that’s the case, put some policies on the maximum time ahead you can book a wedding so that church events take priority- because I believe they should. But churches should always remember the business of the church isn’t to make money or keep your members happy- it’s to be Jesus to the world. The church building isn’t the real church- every believer is. There’s nothing holy about the building, no matter how pretty the stained glass windows are. Whenever possible the goal should be to take as many barriers between a person and God as possible, not put more roadblocks in their way.
That’s my two cents.
3 comments:
Hey, did you find a church? I take it you don't go to college park anymore?
ironically, we are going to have the ceremony at college park! i attend eastview and help lead worship for the jr. highers, but my parents still attend college park.
for the record: both eastview and college park were open to us having our ceremony there- though technically we are not members at either church.
We just decided to have the ceremony and reception at the Chateau.
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