My Deep Thoughts

Remember in the 90's when Saturday Night Live showed 2 or 3 Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey each week? That was my favorite part of the show. At one point in my life, I decided that writing some Deep Thoughts of my own was needed.

Most of the people who read them have the same reaction. The reaction isn't so much verbal as it is that facial expression that says, "This is really odd. Like... creepy odd. I don't really get it." It's ok. I've seen that look a few times. But to me, it is validation that I have succeeded. Deep Thoughts are weird. The best ones are the ones that are so off the wall that you end up laughing and asking "What??" simultaneously. That, my friends, is funny.

Here are some of mine. Perhaps I will post more at a later date. I hope you enjoy them. And by enjoy, I mean I hope you leave feeling confused and with an urge to lay down for a few minutes.

My Deep Thoughts:

I bet at least part of the reason for the inevitable destruction of all our major cities by aliens lies in their need to overcompensate for their small stature and disproportionate large eyes.

Of all horror movies, I think Snow White was the most frightening. Who were those little men with the pick axes???

If giants ever invade the land, we shouldn’t be quick to judge them or fear they’ll eat us. They’re people too, you know. And probably really uneducated.

When body builders get old, they’ll always have their ribbons and awards to remind them of what they accomplished over the years. Oh, and saggy boobs.

If all dogs go to heaven, I hope they all get really nice homes when they’re there. I also hope that there are cats there that poop in their yard.

I bet if the North and South would have used the same strategy in negotiating slavery as they did with who would wear what color in battle, the Civil War could have been avoided.

There is nothing more fragile than the human heart. Except a human heart made of glass.